All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I pour the whiskey from now on
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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