a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
