hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
