can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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