hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
