I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Let's paint friendship bongs
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
