That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
