...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
