But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
where am i from again
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
