yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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