After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
