is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
