I've blown a few things in my day
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
