if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I deserve this hangover.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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