i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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