I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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