Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
