it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
