how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
