the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
either way he was missing a nipple.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
