First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
