Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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