I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
