just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Help. Why am I so naked?
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