O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
