I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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