update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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