She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
