so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
