I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
