so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
