Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
