okay pat passed out under dana's car
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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