i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
