youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
