I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
