I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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