All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
