if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Less talking, more tequila
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
