Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he was CRYING into my vagina
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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