so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
