Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
