i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
