just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize