It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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