Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
