if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I intend to get homeless drunk
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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