That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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