That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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