I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
