I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
