We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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