just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
