i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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