Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
