I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
