can we get nightvision for the apartment?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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