Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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