Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
