I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
