I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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