If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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