She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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