My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
