There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
