Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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