I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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