I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
