is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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