I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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