he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
