The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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