what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
