Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
