so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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