I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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